When fun stops being fun
“Mom, Kasia didn’t want to play with me today,” Ms. Ania hears from her five-year-old daughter, Zosia. “She said I’m stupid and that she can’t come to my birthday party.” Sadness is evident in the girl’s voice, and tears well up in her eyes.
For a parent, this situation is very difficult. On the one hand, there is a strong urge to react immediately, protect the child, and “fix” the situation. On the other hand, we know that we can’t always be there for them, and peer relationships are an area where children must gradually learn to be independent.
Problems in peer relationships—being excluded from play, conflicts, teasing, or arguments—are a natural part of social development. Between the ages of 5 and 8, children are intensively learning the rules of group interaction, negotiation, conflict resolution, and friendship-building. Because these skills are still developing, difficult situations arise frequently and can be very painful for the child.
As parents, we can’t solve these problems for our children, but we can equip them with the tools they need to navigate social challenges on their own.
Remember: you’re a good parent. The fact that you’re reading this article and looking for ways to support your child in their relationships with others is the best proof that they have someone who cares about them.
Why are peer relationships so difficult at this age?
Between the ages of 5 and 8, children are still learning how to function in a group. Their thinking is still largely egocentric—they have a hard time understanding other people’s perspectives. When Kasia says she doesn’t want to play with Zosia, it may simply be because she has a specific preference (“I want to play with Marta”), rather than because she wants to hurt anyone.
Empathy develops gradually. A seven-year-old can recognize a friend’s sadness, but doesn’t always understand that their own behavior might have caused it. Conflict-resolution strategies are still underdeveloped—children try out various approaches, ranging from crying and complaining to negotiation and aggression.
In addition, in larger groups, cliques and exclusion naturally tend to form. Children experiment with their sense of belonging and their position within the group. Sometimes they exclude another child so that they themselves can feel like part of the group.
The three most common problems in peer relationships
1. Exclusion from the game
“You can’t play with us”—this phrase activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain. For a young child, being excluded is an incredibly emotional experience.
Children exclude others because:
- they want to control how the game goes,
- are reacting to a previous conflict,
- are trying to strengthen their position within the group.
Your job is to listen to your child and name their emotions: “I can see you’re sad because Kasia didn’t want to play with you. That’s a really upsetting feeling.” Don’t downplay it, but also help them understand the situation: “Kasia just wanted to play with Marta. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you.”
Next, work together to find solutions—joining another group, suggesting a new game, or playing alone for a while.
2. Teasing
“You can’t draw,” “Your shoes are ugly”—words like these hurt. Children tease others because they’re testing boundaries, imitating others’ behavior, or trying to gain acceptance within the group.
In this situation, it’s a good idea to:
- build a child's self-esteem: "You're wonderful just the way you are,"
- practice assertive responses: “I don’t like the way you’re talking to me,” “Stop it, that hurts my feelings,”
- Avoid saying things like “Don’t worry about it,” and instead say: “I know it hurts. You matter, no matter what anyone says.”
If the teasing is frequent or gets worse, it’s a good idea to talk to a teacher or staff member at the preschool.
How can we help children develop social resilience?
Building social skills is a process that requires daily practice. Specific actions can help with this:
- Naming emotions — a child who can say, “I’m angry because you didn’t give me the ball back,” is more likely to resolve the conflict.
- Developing empathy — talking about other people’s feelings, reading books, and discussing the characters’ emotions.
- Building self-confidence — recognizing specific behaviors and efforts.
- Teaching problem-solving — asking questions instead of giving ready-made answers.
- Showing empathy —sometimes all it takes is a hug and the words: “I understand that was hard. I’m here for you.”
When should relationship problems be a cause for concern?
Most social challenges at this age are normal. However, it’s worth paying attention if your child:
- she often comes home sad or in tears,
- refuses to go to preschool or school,
- has nightmares or starts wetting the bed at night,
- becomes aggressive or withdrawn,
- isolates themselves from their peers,
- talks about themselves in a negative way (“I’m stupid,” “Nobody likes me”).
In such situations, it’s a good idea to consult a child psychologist. Sometimes a child needs extra support to learn how to cope with difficult social experiences.
Consistency and daily practice – the foundation of relationships
Social skills aren’t developed in a single conversation. They are built through everyday, recurring situations—through conversations, shared reflections, and calmly supporting your child during difficult moments.
Support that works every day
Many parents dream of support that doesn’t require them to be “superparents”—support that helps build empathy, responsibility, and perseverance without adding more responsibilities.
That’s why FIBO was created—an interactive plush owl that serves as a warm companion for children and a wise ally for parents. FIBO talks with children, helps them identify their emotions, supports them in their daily challenges, and teaches empathy in a natural, friendly way.
Together, we build character
We can’t protect our children from every argument or instance of exclusion. However, we can equip them with the tools they need to cope with these experiences—empathy, assertiveness, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
It is these moments, built day by day in small ways, that form the foundation of strong, lifelong relationships.
