Empathy in children – how can we foster it?
“Mommy, Kasia took my doll!” Zosia cries out. You walk into the room and see your younger daughter holding the doll in her arms. “Kasia, give the doll back to your sister. Zosia is crying,” you say. Four-year-old Kasia looks at you indifferently and replies, “No! It’s my doll now!”
“My son came home from preschool yesterday and said that Tomek was crying because he’d scraped his knee. And he added, ‘That’s his problem, Mom,’” says Magda, the mother of six-year-old Janek. “I started to wonder if my child was heartless…”
If these situations sound familiar, I have good news for you. Just because your child doesn’t always respond with empathy doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. Empathy isn’t an innate trait—it’s a skill that children learn gradually. And childhood is the best time to develop it.
In this article, I’ll show you what empathy really is in children, how to recognize the warning signs, and—most importantly—what you can do every day, in everyday situations at home, to support the development of this incredibly important skill.
Remember: empathy is a skill that can be learned. Your patience and showing your child every day that you empathize with them are among the greatest gifts you can give them.
What is empathy, and why is it so important?
Empathy is the ability to understand and feel other people’s emotions. In children aged 5–8, it develops in three interconnected areas:
- Emotional empathy — a child “picks up on” the emotions of others (when Mom cries, the child starts crying too).
- Cognitive empathy — the child understands why someone feels a certain way (“My brother is crying because I took his toy”).
- Empathetic compassion — the child wants to help (“I’ll give him my toy and comfort my brother”).
Research shows that empathetic children make friends more easily, get into conflicts less often, and function better in a school setting. In contrast, difficulties with empathy often lead to problems in peer relationships and aggressive behavior.
How can you tell if a child’s empathy is developing properly?
The pace at which empathy develops varies greatly from child to child. Many behaviors that worry parents are actually within the normal range of development.
Empathy develops properly when a child:
- notices other people’s emotions (“Mom, is Dad sad?”),
- tries to comfort people who are crying,
- shares his toys (though sometimes reluctantly),
- feels remorse after hurting someone,
- can imagine how others feel (“If someone took my toy away, I’d be sad too”).
A cause for concern may be a situation in which, for an extended period of time, a child:
- remains indifferent to other people's pain or tears,
- deliberately hurts others without remorse,
- never shares with others,
- always blames others in conflicts,
- regularly manipulates,
- can't be happy for others' successes.
Occasional incidents are no cause for alarm. However, if several of these signs persist for several months, it’s a good idea to consult a child psychologist.
Why might a child have trouble empathizing?
A lack of empathy is rarely due to “malice.” Most often, the causes are developmental or situational:
- brain immaturity — the areas responsible for empathy are still developing,
- developmental egocentrism — the child is just learning that others have their own feelings,
- emotional overload — when a child is experiencing strong emotions themselves, they don’t have the emotional bandwidth to empathize,
- no modeling — children learn empathy by observing adults,
- Frequent conflicts with siblings — can reinforce defensive attitudes rather than empathy.
How can we develop empathy in everyday situations?
Empathy isn't something you learn in lectures or special exercises. It's the ordinary moments of everyday life that truly teach it.
1. Name emotions—in your child and in yourself
Talk openly about feelings: “I can tell you’re upset because Kasia took your toy,” or “I’m tired and need a moment of quiet.” This way, you teach your child the language of emotions, which helps them understand both themselves and others.
2. Model empathetic behavior
Children learn primarily by observation. When you say, “Dad looks tired—maybe we should make him some tea?” or “Ms. Kasia is sick—maybe we should help her?”, you’re showing empathy through action.
3. Pause when a conflict arises and ask for another perspective
Instead of reacting with a shout, help your child pause and reflect: “Look at your sister. How do you think she’s feeling right now? And how would you feel if you were in her shoes?” This is how cognitive empathy—the ability to see things from another person’s perspective—develops.
4. Teach them to share, one small step at a time
Start with less important things, like crayons or a cookie. Give specific praise: “You shared, and I can see your brother is happy.” But don’t force your child to give up their favorite toys—empathy doesn’t come from coercion.
5. Introduce “acts of kindness”
Empathy is not just a feeling, but also an action. Simple tasks, such as saying something nice, helping set the table, or discussing the emotions of the characters in a book, help build sensitivity toward others.
Mistakes that hinder the development of empathy
- forcing an apology without understanding the situation,
- downplaying emotions (“It’s just a toy”),
- favoring one child over another,
- no boundaries in the name of “empathy.”
Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing to everything. You can understand your child’s emotions while still setting clear boundaries: “I understand that you’re angry. It’s okay to be angry. Hitting is not okay.”
Sibling conflicts – a laboratory for empathy
Although they can be exhausting, conflicts between siblings are a great opportunity to learn empathy. Instead of yelling, “Stop it!”, try these four steps: stop the aggression, name the emotions, ask for their perspective, and work together to find a solution.
Why is fostering empathy an investment in the future?
Empathetic children are better at building relationships, are more likely to be liked, and are more effective at resolving conflicts. Every small step you take today will pay off throughout your child’s life.
Do you need help developing empathy?
Everyday conflicts, fatigue, and a lack of time can make it difficult to respond with empathy. That’s why FIBO was created—an interactive plush owl that helps children develop relationships, kindness, and sensitivity toward others.
FIBO doesn't replace you as a parent—it supports you
FIBO reminds your child about “kindness missions,” helps them identify their emotions, and reinforces empathetic behavior in everyday situations. You remain the guide, while FIBO provides warm, consistent support in building empathy day by day.
